Reclaiming My Time: Leah-Marie’s Birth Story

For those who read my first labor and delivery experience, you may recall it left me feeling powerless and defeated. I cried for weeks–everyday–replaying the same details over and over again in my head. With time, healing followed–especially when I shared my story with others and found out– sadly–I wasn’t alone.

A few years later, we became pregnant with our second baby girl.

Based on our previous experience, we knew we wanted to include a doula in our birth plan, which led us to Bryttani from ROOTT (Restoring Our Own Through Transformation), a reproductive justice organization dedicated to the concerns and needs of Black women and women of color surrounding maternal and infant health.

This time around, it was important to me to have a professional on my healthcare team who could understand the fears behind being Black and giving birth in America. In a few short weeks, Bryttani became my protector and part of our family, and I always looked forward to seeing her every week.

She brought a calming energy to my anxious spirit and was focused on making our birth plan a reality. Each session we had with her, we discussed my mental well-being, nutrition, and physical activity. We ended every meeting with a guided meditation and positive affirmation. It was because of her and the ROOTT team that we had the experience we did, and the investment was worth every penny and then some.

For ROOTT services, the cost is determined on your total household income, because they want their services to be affordable to anyone. They include both pre- and postnatal support for up to a year after birth. Once we had Bryttani on our team, I truly felt like we could do anything. This is why we decided to go back to the same hospital where we delivered our first.

It wasn’t an easy decision for us to make, but after taking time to reflect on it, it was suddenly clear. This was the perfect opportunity to reclaim my time–giving myself the chance to experience the birth I wanted/deserved, and this is how we did it.

Leah-Marie’s Birth Story

It all started on a Wednesday afternoon when my husband, Lawrence, and I were headed to my last prenatal appointment. At this point, we were both ready to have this baby, especially since we were a few days past my due date.

Every day Lawrence would ask me, “Are we having a baby today?” And every day I felt no more confident than the last, but our doctor was still hopeful that she would come on her own, even with a scheduled induction.

After deciding to do one last cervical check before birth, our doctor informed us I was only half a centimeter dilated, much to my frustration. We had a successful ECV three weeks prior, and we were still hoping for a spontaneous delivery, but progress was moving slow. Her birth date continued to remain a mystery.

Sure enough, later that night at exactly 11:58 p.m., I felt a slight pain in my lower abdominal area. It was subtle–but happening on and off every two to three minutes. Thinking back to all the conversations I had with Bryttani, I started monitoring each contraction, and went to bed thinking, this is it, but this time I’m in control.

This was the beginning of when I started to labor down at home, rather than rushing to the hospital. With Lawrence asleep downstairs, I decided I wasn’t going to bother him until I consistently felt contractions for up to an hour. When the clock hit 1:00 a.m., I was ready to tell him, so that he could quickly pack his bag for our hospital stay.

Soon after, I called my mom so she could come over to the house and take Aubrielle to daycare when we were ready to go. Next, we called our doula, Bryttani, and she asked me how my contractions were feeling and if there was a “bloody show.” At the moment, my contractions were manageable and there was not a bloody show, which she then asked if I could labor down at home till 4:00 a.m. before she would come over.

Without a doubt, I felt comfortable handling the contractions on my own, especially with Lawrence being there for support. I tried my best to go back to sleep, but it was nearly impossible, especially as more and more time passed. Soon, my mom arrived, who then came into my bedroom to check-up on me, and then headed right to our guest bedroom to get back to sleep.

Afterward, I went downstairs and sat on a medicine ball, moving my hips back and forth, and side to side to help relieve some of the discomfort. With each contraction, I would close my eyes extra tight and focus on my breath by inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. When it started to get more intense, I told Lawrence I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it to 4:00.

Each contraction started in my lower back and then came up under my bottom area painfully flowing right into my lower vaginal area and then up to my abdomen. It was not pleasant. It was getting close to the hour, and I told Lawrence to call Brytanni, who wanted to see if I could last for 30 more minutes, as she was getting close to our house.

To help alleviate the pain, she asked me to move from the medicine ball to one of our kitchen chairs, and asked Lawrence to apply firm pressure to my lower back, having my stomach facing toward the back of the chair, so I could hold onto it for support. Although, I was ready to leave for the hospital, I decided to wait for Bryttani to get there to see if she could help me labor down at home longer.

When she arrived, she got to work, and made me get to work as well. First, she moved me from the chair to the couch and then she started to work with me on my breathing. Breath work is EVERYTHING and such an important part of labor and delivery. I had no idea how much relief you can have when you can control your breath.

Bryttani placed me into the cat cow position on the floor, massaged my lower back, and constantly made sure I was moving, even when I didn’t feel like it. We did this for several hours. Although these moves didn’t eliminate labor pains, she kept me encouraged. She also made sure I had snacks and water nearby to keep me hydrated and to maintain my energy levels.  

We were preparing for a marathon, and she wanted to make sure I was in top condition for when I needed to push. To help lighten the intensity of the contractions, Lawrence played a Soul Selection playlist, while Bryttani held my hand. Any time my body would tense up, she would remind me to relax, and each time I leaned into each contraction rather than fight it, I was able to manage the pain a lot better.

As the early morning started to creep in, our toddler was just starting to wake up, and by then we had already been laboring down for seven hours, when I thought we’d be well on our way to the hospital. Since we were still at home, Lawrence decided to take Aubrielle to daycare, while Brytanni and my mom stayed with me. Although brief, I was so happy I got to see my first born one last time before we became a family of four.

After Lawrence came back home and a few more hours went by, Brytanni decided it was time for her to leave for a bit and give us some time to labor down by ourselves. I’ll be honest, I was a bit nervous to have her leave. I thought I’d cave in and opt to go to the hospital right away, but I didn’t. I continued to hold strong.

As the sun started to peek through the blinds, I remember the house feeling particularly quiet, even with the soft, smooth instrumentals playing in the background. Since I was laying sideways on the couch, Lawrence joined me and had his hand nearby. Through each contraction I would silently yell his name, while squeezing his hand, especially when I felt like he wasn’t paying attention. The contractions were getting more intense, and I was hoping that Brytanni would be back soon.

When she returned, I told her I was done laboring down at home and I was ready to leave for the hospital. She tried to push me to do another hour, but the contractions were overtaking me. I wanted to leave, and I wanted the drugs. Bryttani was on-board and told Lawrence she would follow close behind us.

Although I wish I could have gone longer, I was so proud of myself because I wanted to leave for the hospital after four hours, but I labored down at home for 12 hours. Our bags were already packed, so we jumped quickly into the car, and then headed out. For some reason, the contractions were extremely sharp in my vaginal area instead of my abdomen, so it hurt more when we hit potholes or any type of dip in the road. All I could think about was the epidural.

When we arrived at the hospital, Lawrence quickly parked the car out front and found a wheelchair for me, so he could push me up to labor and delivery, and I could get checked into triage. By this time, it was the early afternoon, and I could barely see what was going on around me. Lawrence had to leave me for a brief moment to park the car, and our doula hadn’t arrived yet, so I knew I was going to have to breathe through these contractions alone.

And that is when the rapid-fire questions began: “What’s your name?” “What’s your birth date?” “How many weeks are you?” “What’s your doctor’s name?” “When did your contractions start?” “Are you allergic to any medications?” “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” Each question coming faster than the last, and all I can remember is how focused I was on my breathing. Keeping my eyes closed extra tight, while getting needles pricked into my arm, along with an elastic band being wrapped around my belly. 

I whispered my responses to each question. Thinking back to it, I probably sounded possessed, but in reality I was trying to exert the least amount of energy so I could focus on relaxing my body through each contraction. Soon, Lawrence was back in the room with me, and he was helping me answer the nurses’ questions. Then it was time–time for the cervical check, as we waited for the last contraction to finish.

Thankfully, the nurse quickly performed the procedure and told me I was around 3-4 cm dilated. I was relieved that it was pain-free and that laboring down at home worked. We went from basically zero dilation (the day before) to nearly four. I was so happy I wanted to cry. I’m not sure how much further I could have labored down at home, but I was so ready for that epidural.

When we were brought back to our room, we quickly put in a request for my epidural, because I was ready for the pain to end. Soon after, the anesthesiologist arrived. Although it took a few tries for me to get my spine to curve the way she wanted me to, I finally did it. She then informed me that it would take about 20 minutes for me to feel the effects of it.

And boy did I feel it. I can finally say, “Epidurals are the absolute BEST!”

Without a doubt, I know for sure my first epidural did not work because the pain relief was a night and day difference. My body absorbed the epidural like it was water… I was able to have a pleasant conversation with the nursing staff, Brytanni, Lawrence, and anyone else who wanted to stop by our room. Now, our main focus was keeping the progression of my labor going. Unfortunately, the epidural did start to slow it down, so Bryttani’s goal was to keep my lower body moving.

She had me in every position possible and worked hand-in-hand with the nurses and Lawrence to safely maneuver me. Eventually, we were able to achieve a bloody show. Although my water didn’t break, labor was progressing, and she recommended to wait till 4:00 p.m. to break my water. The doctor-on-call was on-board with this approach, and he even gave us more time to allow for it to naturally happen.

By then we were at six centimeters, and we couldn’t get passed it for a few hours, which is why we opted to break my water. Soon labor started to pick back up again, and I was hopeful that our little girl would arrive soon. Even after my water broke, Bryttani continued to push me to move my body, but I was getting tired. Also, I was hungry, and I wasn’t able to eat anything because of the epidural.

Lawrence started to play some music and I really started to feel relaxed. Everyone was so in sync and to my embarrassment there was a moment when I was turned over on my left side that I noticed a distinct smell. As I’m facing toward Lawrence and Bryttani, I’m wondering if they noticed it too. Looking at their blank faces, I ask jokingly… “Did I shit on myself?”

Lawrence looks to Bryttani, who gives it to me straight, and says, “Um, yes. We should ask the nurse to get us some wipes.” At this point, Lawrence is awkwardly walking away, and hoping the nurses can handle this one. I literally look at them like, “Ya’ll weren’t going to tell me that I shit on myself? I really thought you all didn’t smell it.” Lawrence goes, “Oh, we definitely smelled it.” All I could do was laugh. Thankfully, the nurses got me together and Bryttani had some Dove deodorant spray that we were able to use to help make the room smell better.

After that, it was game time. The details of the downtime between then and active labor are a bit fuzzy for me, but I do remember I had three, possibly even four, cervical checks. I trusted the medical staff and I felt like I was truly being taken care of this time. Bryttani also made sure to continuously ask them about my blood pressure and kept the ROOTT clinical team on standby.

Soon, it was time. I was nine centimeters dilated, and I was so excited to start pushing. They started to prep the room with all the essentials. They called the doctor who was about 10 minutes away, and they asked if I wanted to do some trial pushing. This time I could barely feel anything at all, so I had no idea how I was going to push when it was time. Both Bryttani and the nurse coached me to inhale deeply and exhale long while pushing. We did this a few times and it was working.

The doctor then arrived, assessed where I was at, and then asked, “Who’s ready to have a baby?” and I responded, “We are,” with a smile and ready to go. His stature was militant in style, like a college football coach, and his demeanor was friendly, like everyone’s favorite uncle or dad at a family gathering. Instantly, I knew I was in great hands. I felt heard, I felt seen, and I felt ready. He was comfortable with my doula, nurse, and midwife leading the delivery, and said he’d be outside the room if needed.

As I started to push, the midwife and nurse called him back in, which he then took the lead. I was bleeding more than they wanted, so he told me to relax and that I didn’t need to push too hard. He assured me I had done great up to this point, and that I needed to draw back a little.

This was the complete opposite of my first experience, so I pushed slower, and after a couple more pushes–we heard the sweet cries of our beautiful little girl. This time, there wasn’t a swarm of nurses that filled our room, but a sense of calmness. After nearly 23 hours, she arrived at exactly 10:30 p.m. Soon, a nurse quickly placed her on my chest for skin-to-skin, and Lawrence was by my side a few minutes later to cut the umbilical cord.

After I delivered the placenta, the doctor stitched me up, and then we were soon by ourselves again–switching back and forth between holding the second addition to our family. There was a moment of silence in the exhaustion of the night where I looked at Lawrence holding our baby thinking, we did it. We finally reclaimed our time.

It was a journey I wasn’t sure we were going to have, especially with everything we had to do with the ECV, but we made it. We had a healthy baby girl, weighing six pounds and 11 ounces, who we couldn’t wait to take home, so she could meet her big sister and family.

To bring it full circle, when we were in our postpartum suite, a labor and delivery manager stopped by our room to ask us about our experience. My husband was asleep, but I was more than ready to inform them on how impressed and happy I was with my entire experience. I also let this manager know that I didn’t have the best experience the first time.

As she listened to my story, she stopped me abruptly and said, “I remember you.” It caught me off guard because I had never met her before. She told me that she was one of the individuals I spoke with when I was providing feedback on my first childbirth experience, almost three years ago. She apologized again for that particular nurse’s behavior and then told me that a month or so after my birth they let her go and that she was no longer with them.

Before she left our room, she looked at me in all sincerity and said, “I’m really happy to hear your birth experience was different this time, and I’m so happy you gave us a second chance.” In that moment, I felt validated in my decision with coming back to the same hospital that I had my first.

Overall, I’m so grateful for Lawrence, Bryttani, the ROOTT team, our families, the staff at the hospital and our community who had been supporting our journey this entire time. It was because of several people who prayed for us and kept us encouraged that we had every aspect of our labor and delivery be reclaimed.