To All the Mothers I Didn’t See Before

This post is sponsored by the Ohio Opioid Education Alliance and the Beat the Stigma campaign to help bring awareness to Mental Health Awareness Month. Throughout the month of May, I will be highlighting my personal mental health journey, along with sharing helpful tips and resources.

Hey there, Mama!

I see you over there – doing your best, giving your best, and pouring all your best into work. I see you in between meetings, making it look effortless, and showing everyone who’s boss.

You should be damn proud. You’re incredible and I’m deeply sorry I didn’t see you there before, but now my vision’s clear.

I finally opened my eyes to see the truth of your reality – now my reality, too. I’m sorry I’m just now seeing your struggles… your worries, your fears, and the guilt you hid so well behind a small desk and a smile.

I’m sorry there were days and weeks where you chose work over your family because you didn’t feel supported.

I’m sorry you felt the need to detail how sick your child was to me or any of your co-workers, just so you could feel justified for taking time off.

I’m sorry that when you took the time off that you felt guilty about it because you were worried you would be punished for it later.

I’m sorry if you ever felt lost trying to manage a new team when all you really needed was the time and grace to adjust.

I’m sorry if you felt rushed back to work and then overwhelmed by new processes and co-workers that didn’t even exist before you left on maternity leave, and now you feel behind.

I’m sorry you chose to go back to work when you really didn’t want to, but you had no choice because America’s maternal care is shit.

I’m sorry if you tried to be the woman you were before, only to discover that you’ll never be her again – and that’s okay. You’ve gone through a massive transformation that only those who know the experience can understand.

I’m sorry if I didn’t check-in on you enough or made conversations so one-sided that you felt compelled to try to relate to a life you no longer have.

I’m sorry for the toxic work environments that weren’t built for working mothers, and the free employee assistance programs you don’t have time to navigate.

I’m sorry for the anxiety you felt logging back into your first Zoom meeting, knowing your hands have only held a baby for the past several weeks.

I’m sorry for all the urgent requests and last-minute all-nighters, where you sacrificed time with your kids, only for the meeting to be canceled the very next day.

I’m sorry if you never have time to cook a healthy meal that isn’t delivered because work doesn’t give you the balance to make it work.

I’m sorry I didn’t know what I know now. And to be clear, I don’t feel sorry or feel pity for you – I’m sorry that our society has created all these situations that work against you.

All these barriers feel penalizing, like motherhood is a detriment and not a blessing. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve more time with your baby, more time with your family, and more time doing what brings you joy.

For some moms, these barriers don’t exist, but for others having a work life balance almost feels or is impossible, and that’s the real problem.

When you don’t have balance, it’s easy to feel out of control, leading to stress and potential issues with your mental health, which is why it’s important to prioritize you.

If not for yourself, then for your family. This month, I want you to focus on your well-being, and I will do the same. Right now, the world (and often the place we work) is not built for working mothers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change the way we work.

I encourage anyone reading this to set a new boundary for yourself. Claim space for your mental health, and watch your life change around it. I can’t promise you the change will be instant, but I hope you feel empowered to make the difference.

For more information or help with mental health, visit: www.beatthestigma.org or www.findtreatment.gov. For additional resources you can call the Ohio CareLine at 1-800-720-9616 or text the mental health crisis line at 741741.